Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse is not limited to physical violence. It can encompass various forms of control, manipulation, and harm, including psychological, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse. These forms of abuse can be just as damaging, and sometimes more difficult to recognise, than physical violence. The effects can be long-lasting, causing significant emotional and psychological trauma for victims.

Types of Abuse:

Psychological and Emotional Abuse:

• Being forced or pressured into doing things against your will

• Feeling scared to say "no" or express your opinion due to fear of retaliation

• Feeling like you're "walking on eggshells" all the time, constantly trying to avoid anger or conflict

• Receiving constant criticism or being made to feel worthless and inadequate

• Being isolated from your support network and kept away from family and friends

Control and Restriction:

• Being watched, monitored, or checked up on regularly by the abuser

• Having your freedom unnecessarily restricted, including being prevented from leaving the house or accessing basic resources

• Not being allowed to make decisions about your own life, finances, or well-being

• Being subjected to threats and intimidation, including threats against family members, pets, or possessions

• Feeling powerless and too frightened to fight back or seek help

Financial Abuse:

• Having limited or no access to money, bank accounts, or other financial resources

• Being controlled financially, such as being given an allowance or having your spending monitored or restricted

Sexual Abuse and Coercion:

• Being forced into sexual acts or being manipulated into sexual situations without consent

• Experiencing sexual violence or exploitation

• Being pressured or coerced into unwanted sexual activity

Cultural and Honour-Based Abuse:

• Being forced into a forced marriage without your consent

• Experiencing honour-based violence, which is rooted in the desire to protect or defend a perceived sense of honour

• Experiencing practices such as Female Genital Mutilation (FGM), which can have lifelong physical and emotional consequences

Harassment and Stalking:

• Constantly being monitored or followed

• Receiving repeated unwanted contact or threats that create fear and distress

• Being made to feel as if you cannot escape or breathe freely in your own environment

Domestic abuse can affect anyone, regardless of their background, location, or socioeconomic status. It does not discriminate based on:

• Race

• Age

• Class

• Gender

• Religion

• Sexuality

It can happen in any type of relationship, whether heterosexual or same-sex, and can affect individuals of all genders, including men, women, and those who identify as transgender or non-binary. Domestic abuse can happen in any setting, whether in a home, relationship, or family situation, and can involve individuals of any age, from young children to older adults.

The Impact of Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse often leaves emotional, physical, and psychological scars that can affect a person for years, even after the abusive relationship has ended. Victims may experience:

• Mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, or suicidal thoughts

• Physical injuries and chronic health problems due to abuse

• Diminished self-worth and feelings of shame or guilt

• Difficulty trusting others and forming healthy relationships in the future

Remember: Domestic Abuse is Not the Victim’s Fault

Victims of domestic abuse often face tremendous pressure and fear, which can make it difficult for them to leave or seek help. The cycle of abuse is emotionally complex, and many victims believe the abuser will change, or feel trapped due to fear of retaliation.

It is important to remember that domestic abuse is never the victim's fault. No one deserves to be abused, regardless of the circumstances.

Help is Available for Victims, Survivors, and Perpetrators

Support is available for both victims and perpetrators of domestic abuse. There are confidential services, helplines, and referral pathways that can assist individuals in leaving abusive situations, providing emotional support, legal protection, and resources for recovery.

• National Domestic Violence Helpline: Call 0808 2000 247

• Men's Advice Line: Call 0808 801 0327

• Childline (for children and young people): Call 0800 1111

• Refuge: A national charity offering practical advice, shelters, and legal support for those experiencing abuse.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, it is important to reach out for help — whether it's through a helpline, a trusted professional, or a safe space where support is available.

Domestic abuse can take many forms, and it's crucial to recognise that all types are equally harmful. The abuse may be physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, or financial, and it can happen in any type of relationship, including between adults, teens, or within family units.

1. Emotional or Psychological Abuse

This includes behaviours such as:

• Humiliation, belittling, or constant criticism

• Threats or intimidation

• Playing mind games, gaslighting, or causing confusion

• Manipulating a person’s feelings or sense of reality

2. Physical Abuse

Physical abuse can range from slapping, hitting, and pushing, to more severe acts such as choking, beating, or using weapons. It often results in physical injuries, but it can also leave psychological scars.

3. Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse involves forcing or coercing someone into sexual activity without consent. It can also include making threats of sexual violence, forced participation in sexual activities, or sexual assault.

4. Economic or Financial Abuse

This occurs when someone controls the financial resources of another person. Examples include:

• Withholding money, limiting access to financial accounts, or controlling spending

• Forcing the victim to work or not allowing them to work

• Running up debt in the victim’s name or preventing them from earning money

5. Honour-Based Violence

This type of violence is perpetrated to protect or defend perceived cultural or social beliefs about family honour. It can involve threats, coercion, physical violence, or even murder.

6. Female Genital Mutilation (FGM)

FGM is the practice of partially or entirely removing a girl’s external genitalia for non-medical reasons. It is a form of gender-based violence, affecting girls and women in many parts of the world.

7. Forced Marriage

A forced marriage occurs when one or both parties are coerced or threatened into marrying against their will. This can include physical violence, emotional manipulation, or isolation from family and friends.

8. Elder Abuse

This form of abuse involves harm to older individuals, often committed by caregivers or family members. It can include neglect, physical harm, financial abuse, and emotional mistreatment.

9. Domestic Abuse Against People with Disabilities

Individuals with disabilities may be more vulnerable to abuse due to reliance on others for care, making them easy targets for emotional, physical, or financial exploitation.

10. Domestic Abuse During Pregnancy

Pregnancy can trigger domestic abuse, with some abusers using the pregnancy to manipulate or control the victim. Abusers may use threats related to the unborn child or cause harm to the pregnant person.

11. Domestic Abuse in LGBTQ+ Relationships

Domestic abuse can occur in same-sex relationships and can include the same forms of abuse as in heterosexual relationships. However, the abuse may also be compounded by homophobia, transphobia, or discrimination.

12. Domestic Abuse Against Men

Although less often talked about, men can be victims of domestic abuse. It may involve physical violence, emotional manipulation, or financial control and is often hidden due to social stigma.

13. Stalking

Stalking involves repeated unwanted contact, surveillance, or harassment of a person. This can include following them, sending unwanted gifts, making repeated phone calls, or spreading rumours about them.

While each situation is different, there are some common signs of domestic abuse. These signs can be seen in a victim’s physical appearance, behaviour, and emotional state. Professionals, friends, or family members should be alert to these indicators.

Physical Injuries

• Unexplained bruising, cuts, or marks on the body

• Walking stiffly or appearing sore

• Injuries with explanations that don’t match the cause

Excuses for Injuries

• Victims may often excuse their injuries by saying they are clumsy or offer the same excuse repeatedly.

Stress and Anxiety

• Victims may display symptoms of stress, anxiety, or depression. These can include panic attacks, social withdrawal, feelings of isolation, and an inability to cope with everyday challenges.

• They may even express thoughts about suicide or self-harm.

Absent from Work/School

• Often absent from work or school

• Frequently off work without proper notice

• Always seeming late or unavailable

Personality Changes

• Victims may display a noticeable personality shift when their partner is around

• Jumpy, nervous, or easily startled

• They may appear to be constantly walking on eggshells

Low Self-Esteem

• Victims may exhibit low self-worth or a lack of confidence related to their relationship or life in general

• They may appear sad, depressed, or excessively tearful

Lack of Independence

• The victim may have limited opportunity to communicate independently

• Their partner may speak for them or belittle them

• They may be subject to controlling behaviour, including restrictions on who they can talk to or where they can go

Self-Blame

• Victims may blame themselves for everything that happens, even situations that are clearly not their fault

• They may make excuses for their abuser’s actions

Lack of Money

• Victims may always seem to have no money because their partner is withholding it or controlling access to financial resources.

Social Withdrawal

• Victims may make excuses for not socialising or pull out of plans at the last minute

• They may be withdrawn from friends or community activities

Irrational Behaviour from the Abuser

• The abusive partner may show irrational or possessive behaviour:

  • They may accuse the victim of having affairs, flirting, or other behaviours without cause

  • They may engage in spying, checking emails, or phone calls frequently

Unwanted Pregnancy or Termination

• Pregnancy may trigger the start of domestic abuse. Victims may be forced into termination or may feel unhappy about their pregnancy due to the abuse they are experiencing.

Substance Abuse

• Victims may self-medicate with drugs or alcohol, or even rely on prescribed medications like antidepressants or tranquillisers, as a coping mechanism.

Property Damage

• There may be damage to personal property, such as broken items, or even harm to pets as a form of control.

Reluctance to Share Personal Details

• Victims may be reluctant to give out personal details like their address or phone number

• They may insist on having their partner make contact for them, avoiding personal interactions

Key Message: Domestic Abuse Is Never the Victim’s Fault

Abuse is never acceptable, no matter the circumstances. Victims of domestic abuse may feel trapped, fearful, or powerless, but it is important to reach out for help. No one deserves to be treated this way, and support is available for victims and survivors.

If you’re experiencing domestic abuse at home, it’s really important to have a safety plan in place. A safety plan can help you stay safe in case the situation becomes dangerous. If you or anyone else is ever in immediate danger, you should call the Police on 999.

Here are some steps to create your safety plan:

1. Find a Safe Place

• Identify a safe place in your home where you can go if violence or abuse occurs. This might be a room with a lock on the door or somewhere you can easily escape from.

• If you can leave the house, know where you can go for safety. Consider going to a trusted friend’s house or a neighbour’s.

2. Keep Important Information Handy

• Write down the contact number of someone you trust. This could be a relative, friend, or teacher who can help or call the authorities if necessary.

• Keep the number with you at all times, in a place your abuser cannot find.

3. Get Support

• Talk through your safety plan with a counsellor or support service. Childline is a great option, and they can help you create a more specific plan to help stop the abuse.

  • You can reach Childline at 0800 1111 or visit childline.org.uk.

• Victim Support also offers support to people experiencing domestic abuse. They can help you navigate the situation and connect you with services that can offer more assistance.

  • Visit victimsupport.org.uk for more information.

4. Talk to Someone You Trust

• If you feel it’s safe, talk to your parents or a trusted adult about what’s happening at home. They may not realise how serious or frightening the situation is. Talking to someone can help you feel supported and safer.

• If you are worried about your safety, it’s very important to speak to someone as soon as you can.

5. Remember, You Are Not Alone

• Domestic abuse is never your fault, and it’s not your responsibility to stop the fighting, violence, or abuse. Trying to intervene could put you in even more danger.

• It’s okay to ask for help — your safety is the most important thing.

6. Contact Local Support Services

• You can also get support from The Hide Out, an organisation that helps young people affected by domestic abuse.

  • Visit thehideout.org.uk for resources and support.

Key Message: Keep Yourself Safe

The most important thing is to keep yourself safe. Domestic abuse is never acceptable, and there are people and services that can help you. Reach out to trusted adults and organisations for the support you deserve.

As a professional supporting young people, it is important to recognise that domestic abuse can have a profound and long-lasting impact on their physical and emotional wellbeing. Understanding the signs of domestic abuse, knowing how to offer appropriate support, and understanding the importance of safety is critical. Here’s how you can support young people affected by domestic abuse:

1. Be Aware of the Signs of Domestic Abuse

Young people who experience domestic abuse may not always be able to express what’s happening or might not realise they are in an abusive relationship. Some common signs to look out for include:

• Physical injuries such as bruising, cuts, or marks that don’t match the given explanation

• Frequent absences from school or work, or a drop in academic performance

• Behavioural changes such as increased anxiety, withdrawal, aggression, or signs of stress or depression

• Isolation from friends or family, or reluctance to participate in social activities

• Unexplained gifts or new items (such as clothes, electronics, or money)

• Jealous or controlling behaviour in relationships, where a partner monitors or limits access to phone calls, social media, or friends

Be mindful that digital abuse is also a form of domestic abuse. This could involve controlling or monitoring a young person’s online presence or using technology to manipulate or isolate them.

2. Create a Safe, Non-Judgemental Environment

It’s essential to approach the situation in a sensitive, non-judgemental way. The young person may feel afraid, confused, or embarrassed. Here’s how you can help:

• Listen carefully: Let the young person speak about their experiences in their own time. Don’t push for details or make them feel guilty or responsible for the situation.

• Provide reassurance: Make sure they know the abuse is not their fault. Help them understand that no one deserves to experience abuse, and they have the right to feel safe.

• Respect confidentiality: Explain the limits of confidentiality, such as when safeguarding laws require you to report concerns, but ensure the young person feels heard and supported.

3. Prioritise Safety and Wellbeing

If a young person is in immediate danger or the situation seems urgent, your priority is to ensure their safety:

• Encourage the young person to have a safety plan and ensure they know who to call if they’re in immediate danger (e.g., 999).

• Avoid pushing the young person to leave their situation before they are ready. They may feel scared, trapped, or confused, and it’s important to offer ongoing support without pressuring them.

• Support with practical resources: Help them access relevant support services, such as local domestic abuse services, counselling, or youth support networks.

• Make sure they know they can contact organisations like Childline (0800 1111) or The Hideout for confidential advice and support.

4. Involve Other Agencies

Domestic abuse is a complex issue that often requires multi-agency support. It’s important to collaborate with other professionals to ensure a comprehensive response. Here’s how you can involve others:

• Refer the young person to safeguarding services within your organisation or the local authority. In case of high-risk situations, immediate referral to child protection services may be necessary.

• Work with specialised domestic abuse organisations such as Victim Support, Refuge, or local shelters that provide tailored services for young people.

• Involve mental health professionals to support the young person with any psychological or emotional trauma they may have experienced.

• Consult with police if criminal activity (e.g., assault, stalking) is suspected. In cases of high-risk domestic violence, contact law enforcement immediately.

5. Provide Ongoing Support and Encourage Empowerment

A young person experiencing domestic abuse may feel isolated or powerless. Your role is to empower them by providing ongoing support and helping them regain control over their life:

• Check in regularly: Continue to offer support even if they’re hesitant or resistant to open up. Ensure they know they can reach out to you at any time.

• Empower them with information: Help them understand their options, whether it’s leaving the abusive situation, seeking legal protection, or accessing therapy or helplines.

• Encourage positive relationships: Support the young person in developing healthy relationships with trusted adults or peers to counteract the isolation they may feel.

6. Know When to Seek Further Advice

Domestic abuse situations can be highly complex. Always consult with a supervisor, designated safeguarding lead, or an external agency if you're unsure of how to proceed or if you feel the situation is beyond your expertise. Sometimes, specialist advice from domestic abuse professionals or law enforcement may be necessary.

Key Message:

Domestic abuse can have profound effects on young people, and it’s essential for professionals to recognise the signs, offer a supportive environment, and take appropriate action. Most importantly, the safety and wellbeing of the young person must always come first. Encourage them to reach out for help, and ensure they know they are not alone.